Going Home

My mind craves a stability

That hasn’t quite been established

Into this reality.

My soul wants some recognition

That no human can bear to

Take upon the task.

I need some help to get a hold on my life,

Because I can’t go at this alone.

I want to spend time with the all-knowing You.

I want to be reminded of the time I first heard Your voice,

And the first time I felt Your love.

I was only a child, sitting softly in a church pew

When I realized You were who I wanted to dedicate my whole entire being to.

A day with You is better than

A million without,

But this day has still been daunting.

Oh, please come down to earth,

And comfort me as I rest my

Tired head, and rack my restless brain

For any possible answers to the question

That manages to escape my breath for every moment that passes by: why?

Why can’t I just lie here with You until my heart no longer beats and my eyes no longer see?

Please, hold me in Your loving grasp

And treat me like the child that I am.

Kiss my forehead and give me that

Unseen, only imaginable smile that I’ve

Been waiting a lifetime to see,

So that I may close my eyes and finally

Feel the love that I believe I was

Born to feel.

Listen to my hopes and dreams,

My brokenness and struggles.

Feel the heartbeat that you created from Your loving, sculpting hands.

And I long to be with You,

Because you see what is unseen.

You hear my pain, and get me more than I get myself.

I want to be with You.

Just love me like You do.

Let it be

I want to set the mood for this post before I begin.

Grab some headphones, plug them into your computer. Find the song "Let it Be" by The Beatles (if you have heard of them, idk? they're not that popular..) and give it a listen. Or just find some relaxing music, christian music could work too, if you prefer.

Now, find a quiet place to sit, and grab a piece of paper and a pen.

Write down every thing you are stressed/worried/upset about. Every single thing you can think of!
For example, mine would look like this:

"It's finals week, and I want to do my best
Some of my friends seem like they don't really care about me
I HATE that I have acne (imperfections)
I'm getting really sick and tired of struggling with depression."

The list goes on.

Now, say out loud (or in your head if you're in a public place) all of the things on your list to God.
For example, I would say:

"God, I am really stressed out about these finals, I feel like I have to do my best on these or I won't make you, or myself proud. I also feel like my friends aren't there for me, like they don't care what I say or do. And I don't appreciate this body you have given me, or the imperfections on my face. And God, I have depression! I don't like it!"

Just admit everything you're struggling with to God.

Now, you know what you're going to do next?

Just let it be.
That's right. Let it all be.

Just relax!! Take some time for yourself to sit in the presence your God. He holds so much truth and love for you. Tell Him how you feel, tell Him about your day, rest in His presence! Let Him take care of your problems, Let Him take the load off of your shoulders. Let it be!


1 Peter 5:7 "Casting all your anxieties on Him, because He cares for you."
Psalm 62:5 "Yes, my soul, find rest in God: my hope comes from Him."
Matthew 11:28 "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest."


(Also, here are some words of encouragement from my dear friends, The Beatles).
And when the night is cloudy
There is still a light that shines on me
Shine on until tomorrow, let it be

God Bless.

Agape

I just want to feel loved.

I think that's a normal feeling, I believe most of you can identify with that same feeling, right? I mean, everyone wants to be wanted at some point. It's human to have a desire for love, I believe.

But what happens when you don't feel love? What do you do when you don't feel accepted?

I honestly break down a little bit. When I don't feel appreciated, I get the urge to cry (sometimes I actually do, no shame), and I allow myself to get fed up with all of these lies from the enemy.

 "You're no good, you're worthless, no one could love you."

Obviously hearing those thoughts in your head just brightens your whole day! (Not really though).

Lately, I've been feeling the need to be loved a lot, ironically I haven't been feeling that loved lately..

BUT!! I serve an awesome God who loves to teach and show me things all in the right time!

So, I would like to share with you two things that I've learned about this whole "not feeling loved" experience.

1. God can bless you in your life to teach you lessons, and God can also take away things in your life to teach you lessons.

I was talking to my counselor last Tuesday and she was sharing with me some of her own experiences of when she first started becoming a Christian. At that time, she noticed that God was taking a lot of things away from her, not because she was bad, or that He was punishing her, but because He wanted her to learn a valuable lesson. He is all that you need. You've heard the saying, "if God is all you have, then all you have is all you need," right? Well that's what I'm talking about here. Instead of relying on the world around her, she began to rely on God for everything.

That made me realize that I rely on my friends a lot. I look to them for acceptance, for help, for guidance, and most importantly for love. The thing is, people will disappoint you. Not all of the time, but sometimes they will. I mean, humans are human! We all sin and make mistakes, we all have selfish tendencies. And we can't idolize another person, or expect them to be a perfect friend, because no one can reach perfection and more importantly, no one can take the place of God.

God is so cool because He loves me so well. He's never disappointed me, that's the truth. He's my best friend and my true source of joy. And it took Him to take away some of my friendships for me to realize that.

Job 1:21 says: "..The Lord gave, and the Lord hath taken away; blessed be the name of the Lord."

God is my everything, and for that I am eternally blessed.

2. Sometimes God calls struggles upon your life so you can be a blessing to others.

People walk through tough stuff. I mean, I've had so many people speak grace and truth into me and mentor me because they have walked through some of the same things I have. Take my counselor for example, she used to struggle with depression, now she is counseling me and helping me through my struggle.

And in the bible, there is SO MANY stories of people struggling just so they can minister to others.

Jesus is the prime example.In  John 15:18, Jesus says, "If the world hates you, keep in mind that it hated me first." Jesus went through so much, and for that he was able to minister and speak life and truth into others.

Another example in the bible is through Jeremiah. Jeremiah was a preacher. His words were rejected so many times, though. But even though, he still ministered to those who listened, and he grew because of it.

God turns your mess into a message!! He will never bring you through something that he can't take you out of. Every single struggle of yours happens for a reason, a beautiful, life-changing reason. How cool?!

Seriously, I love God. And I love that He loves me (abundantly) too.