Misery ain't no mystery.

I have a problem with focusing my brain on any other thing besides relationships, which does not bode well for my college career. Here I am, sitting in Babbs Coffee shop, which by the way is the cutest little thing ever but that's besides the point, and I'm supposed to be working on a 50 point paper on the breakup of Pangaea and the affects that tectonics plate had with the Supercontinent.. but I can't help but let my mind wander..

You know what I'm thinking about? You. Whoever is reading this. I don't know why, but I am. And you don't know anything about me. I mean, I guess you could collect the facts that I'm a college student who believes in God, but that's about it. And I want to develop a relationship with you. So I want to tell you something about myself that not a lot of people know.

My name is Brooke, and last fall I was diagnosed with depression.

Phew. I wrote it. (It was harder to write than I thought, which is weird because statistically speaking about 350 million people have  depression.)

Anyways, yes, I have depression, but depression doesn't have me (too cheesy?).

I was diagnosed with it this past fall, but I feel like I have been struggling with it for about 5 years now. And I'm not going to lie, it sucks. Some of you may know what I'm talking about. But for the ones that don't, I'm gonna get real with you for a little bit.

Depression is decapitating. It's on your mind at all times. It's a sinking feeling you get in your stomach, It's an urge to cry at all times, it's a shame you feel when you do, it's a struggle to get out of bed, and at times, a struggle to live in general. it's a sickness. A mental illness that you as a person have no control over. Scientificaly speaking, Depression deals with your brain. Everyone has highs and lows, they have days when they feel happy, or feel sad. Depression is when you brain's highs aren't that high, and your brain's lows are.. well... low. Okay, obviously I'm not a scientist, but I hope this makes sense. This is why when people are on depression medication (yes I am on medication), the medication just takes your 'lows' and brings them up so they are not so 'low'. I've honestly have had days where I had forgotten to take my medication, and I had felt absolutely terrible, and then I would take it, and miraculously, I would feel better, like a fog has lifted from my mind.


Being diagnosed with depression has been one of the greatest blessings of my life. I know some of you are probably confused at this statement, but before this fall, I denied I had it. I refused to go to anyone for help, or even tell anyone that I was having a hard time. I was allowing myself to suffocate by depression's hard, steady grasp.

But, thankfully, I got to the point where I admitted I had a problem and needed help. I still remember the night that I did. I was at all night prayer, and my beautiful, prophetically blessed friend, subtly suggested counseling. I remember thinking, "I don't need that.. and if I did, I definitely don't deserve that.." But God's grace allowed me to accept the idea of counseling into my life, and now I'm seeing a christian counselor.

It was one of the hardest moments of my life, to call up the counseling service and ask for help. But I knew God was there with me, as He is always. Honestly, He is the reason I can get through every day. He is my backbone, and my strength. What's even more beautiful is that God has walked with me through every day of my misery, and this disease has allowed me to draw closer to Him, so yes, it is a blessing in disguise.

So if you're out there, struggling with depression just like I have, I hope it encourages you to know that God sees your struggle, and loves you way too much to let you go through it alone.