Realness

"I want to be real with You, God."

That has been my prayer for about a month now. 

"I want to be real with You. Really really real!"

But for some reason, that realness wouldn't come. And it was the most frustrating thing EVER! Like I want to feel myself with my Father. I want to feel free with Him, I want to be ME with HIM!! And I couldn't..

I would wake up every morning, read my bible, and pray the same prayer. 

"God I thank you for today, I pray you protect me through the day, I pray for my family, my friends that you may bless them today..." and on and on. 

Then at night, I would go to bed and pray the same bedtime prayer. 

"God I thank you for today, I pray for protection through the night, I pray for my family, my friends..." and blah blah blah. And I never felt the way I should when I'm talking to my God. 

The thing is, I was talking to Him, not with Him.

What I learned this week is that God is relational. He desires to develop a relationship with each and every one of us. Yes, He knows our heart and who we are and how we feel, but He wants us to tell Him who we think we are and How we feel at the moment. 

I don't want to be speaking for Him, but I believe God doesn't want routine! At least not in our prayer content. He wants us to be real with Him!

That's why, last night I decided to give that a shot. I told God literally everything on my mind. I spilled about what makes me angry, what brings me joy, what I absolutely can't stand, what I honestly love.. I poured my heart to Him..

and I never felt so free, and honestly, I never felt so me.